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April 2010

Today I sit on the front porch, knowing that I am very blessed.  There are many reasons but, the biggest today would be the 45 foot tree laying on it’s side 6 feet from my deck and house.  It absolutely didn’t hurt a thing – except my soul.

Since my husband died five years ago, I have nurtured this yard as the living part of what remained of him.  The one thing we really like to do together and never fought over.  We worked our land for hours, days on end.  The week of his death, he looked out the window and said “Guess I won’t get to see the tulips this year” .  That afternoon I bought bunches of silk tulips and planted them that night.  The next morning he looked out and was amazed that he didn’t miss the tulips!  It took about 10 minutes for him to realize that I had put them there.  I made him smile and that was worth more than anything else I could ever have.

The first spring the flowers came up after he passed, I cried that he wasn’t here to see how beautiful the yard was.  I struggled trying to repair a” fixer upper” that needed a lot of upping and many people told me just to sell the house.  Unfortunately, the yard would have sold with the house and that I could not let go of.

By the third spring, I realized that I had the greatest gift, every spring and summer I was blessed with beautiful iris and lillys that we planted.  Like receiving a fresh bouquet.

Last year I almost lost everything when at the hottest part of the spring, early summer I was called to my father’s bedside to care for him during his last days.  I was heart broken at losing my father and heartbroken when I came home and saw what the heat had done to my beautiful gardens.

This spring I was on it!  I began cleaning up in February and had everything re-mulched in early March.  The iris were out and the coneflowers a full six inches tall.  Clematis and butterfly bush were well on there way!  This was it!  The spring i had been waiting for when I would be able to sit back and enjoy the splendor!  Until last Friday sometime when this monster of a tree gave way  in a storm while I was at work.  The combination of three inches of rain and unrelenting wind was more than my 48 years old tree could bear another day.

It looks comical, a perfect tree laying in the yard.  No snapped limbs, just as green as could be, just taking a break.  As if it could stand back up at any moment.   It will be removed, with or without any help from the insurance company who after 38 years of home owners premiums considers this God out to get me.   After that I will pick up the pieces, talk to all the plants that remain and gently cut back those that still may have a chance to grow on.  I wish I could do that today, because today, looking out at my beautiful gardens, it is just to painful to see.  It needs me.

April 2011


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